Frustrations
You know a lot of times I tend to internalize a lot of my feelings. Hell, not a lot of times, most of the time I do. Especially when it comes to professional wrestling. I broke in when the locker room was still a pretty toxic area. During the whole "shit in a duffel bag" era. I never dealt with anything that bad, but that mentality was still extremely prevalent. When I left in 2009 after working almost every weekend from 2002 until 2012, I got tired of that type of atmosphere. As someone who suffers from severe anxiety and manic episodes (get it, the nickname?) I simply couldn't function in the backstage area and was often "ribbed" because of it. I know there was one time I posted on Facebook about my struggles and half the wrestlers I knew posted under it basically saying I was weak and I needed to suck it up. That was the final straw for me as I was sitting there recovering from reconstructive knee surgery and was unemployed due to it. I quit and removed everyone from my Facebook that was associated with wrestling. Then 2016 came and what I've noticed is when I have a death in the family, I tend to push myself towards something I really want. I don't want to die having not achieved my ultimate goals. Then I get over it and stop dreaming and go back to my usual routine.